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amrine

expressions from the heart…

I See You

I see you in the moments
that are fleeting
escaping across the sand
as the waves reach the ground
and are pulled back by the moon
forever pushing forward
always retreating back.

You live in these moments.

I Beg Of You

I want to create these words
Fill these pages with lyrical meaning
But my mind is blocked with you.

I try to create these stories
Busting with magical detail
But all I feel is distraction by you.

I yearn to fly away from this
Consume my thoughts with fiction
But there you are again pushing through.

Rid yourself from my mind
I beg of you.

Near the end

I find strength from the stillness of the water.
I consume tranquility seated before these peaks.
I face the  possibility that this moment
could be my last….

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Secrets

Secrets lie within us
told to a few, but never repeated.
I hold them close,
waiting for my memory to fade
so they can never be spoken.

I’m dishonest, I can’t do this.
The folds of my mind are running over
bubbling up until it explodes
with all my secrets.

I can’t do this…
Keep it inside until the end of time
laying on my death bed
vomiting regrets and inhibitions.
I have to break free
from this reality that
we all have secrets.

Tucked away behind the memories
that we can’t repeat.
Keep those secrets.

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Direction

I find myself searching
for the road
meant for me.

Left
Right
Yield
Stop
always a wrong turn.

Search Search Search
why wont this map load
to show me the way.

Direction…
why are you so hard to find?

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I did it again

Foolishly…
I crafted this image of us
Intertwined as one
For more than one night.

I did it again
And let my heart take over
During the throes of your kisses
And the touch of your hands.

Mistakenly…
I shared with you the inner beings of my soul
As you continually fooled me with your lips
And took in what you desired.

I did it again
And fell for your sweet nothings

I did it again
And thought you were the one

I did it again
Foolishly
Mistakenly
Gave you me.

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I am…

I am midwest born and raised
on heartland dreams of escaping to somewhere new, somewhere better,
anywhere but this kansas suburbia that was my childhood.

I am defined by the lack of importance I was to you,
the court-mandated visits, your reckless state of being,
the closets I hid in to avoid the fights and glass being thrown,
and the constant let down of your lack of presence.

I am a blurry night of others taking what was not theirs,
using what they desired and leaving me to pick up the pieces from their wrath.
…I still haven’t found all the pieces yet.

I am an emotional wreck of disappointments,
let downs, and a mental scrapbook that holds
more memories of heartbreak and pain than it ever will of peace.

I am the definition of independence,
constantly falling down and relentlessly pushing forward
striving to live my life with the values my father taught me,
and the morals that are laid upon that cross.

I am broken,
pieces of my heart stolen, bruised and battered,
but still hopeful to one day learn what trust is again,

I am standing here, arms wide open,
nervous, afraid, vulnerable, wondering
if I can be accepted as the damaged individual that I am.

Broken Compass

This device seems to be broken
spinning everywhere but north.
forcing my decisions down the wrong paths
and into this darkness.

Overshadowed by the past,
stumbling towards the future
but getting nowhere fast
with this
broken compass.

No longer me

As I look into the mirror
unable to recognize who I’ve become
I ponder over this heartache
and all the lies I have spun.

I’ve been searching for a solution
at the bottom of each glass,
but all I have found
is that nothing ever lasts.

There’s an emptiness inside me
that I’ve been trying to fulfill,
with temporary moments that
in the end only bring me guilt.

Who have I become
in the midst of this pleasure and perverse?
Why are these emotions so strong and ruling,
when I’m all out of sorts.

I’ve transformed into someone
I am unable to recognize,
a girl with a broken compass
searching for an answer….

…….in all the wrong places.

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