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amrine

expressions from the heart…

No longer me

As I look into the mirror
unable to recognize who I’ve become
I ponder over this heartache
and all the lies I have spun.

I’ve been searching for a solution
at the bottom of each glass,
but all I have found
is that nothing ever lasts.

There’s an emptiness inside me
that I’ve been trying to fulfill,
with temporary moments that
in the end only bring me guilt.

Who have I become
in the midst of this pleasure and perverse?
Why are these emotions so strong and ruling,
when I’m all out of sorts.

I’ve transformed into someone
I am unable to recognize,
a girl with a broken compass
searching for an answer….

…….in all the wrong places.

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Highway

My worries are pressed against the pedal,
revving for a reason
to stay here…

The sun soaked pavements that lie ahead
tease me with
their paths of possibilities and
endless exits at every turn.

The glimpse of freedom is just ahead,
around the corner of that hilltop,
and near the end of the road.

This highway constantly feels like the
answer to all my let downs and cries for help
that will carry me thru the end.

Void…of…you

This void
is filled with lovers and lies
under restlesss nights of
wishing against the stars
that I’ll find the key-
the key to this ache that consumes me.

This heartache
that has wandered miles
in search of an answer.
Which country-which state-which town-
will provide me what I need
for this emotional unstable being that I’ve become.

Is there a cure,
for this feeling,
this ache in the depths of me
thats held on for years
fighting to never break free
and give me peace.

Is there a future for me…
where this void,
this god forsaken void-
will be filled?

Wanderer

Here you are again,
that feeling
that yearning
to run, run, run
as fast and as far as I can
into the gently abyss of the unknown.

My inner being desires to sprint,
leave everything behind,
and get lost in the pavement,
be forgotten in the sunrises and sunsets
of each passing day.

My heart screams for anyone to listen,
to save me from these closing walls,
that fuel this anxiety
to run…to sprint…
to leave everything behind,
over, and over, and over again.

When will this anxiety cease?
When will I find a place that brings,
happiness and tranquility?
When…oh when,
will it end?

Love? Different everytime….

Love as I have known it in the past
is a breaking dam of feelings,
rushing and taking over every course of your body
every thought, every action, every step.

Love as I have experienced it before is…
uncontrollable,
but yet it makes it way to control you.

But love now,
is precdictable,
written out before me
step-by-step,
page-by-page

Is this love?
Where is the passion?
Where is the heat?

Fear is the answer;
stolen from me,
How do I, How do I fix it?

I want the passion,
I want the heat,
I want to be fearless in love.

The future that never was…

I had created a life with you in my mind,
staring into your eyes as I walked down the aisle,
brushing your lips each morning to wake you up,
but….
no matter what I desired or wished for
you chose differently.

My heart kicks and screams
as I stare upon the picture,
perfect life you have created for yourself.

Is she what you always wanted?
Is it the color of her skin?
Is it the background she comes from?
Is it because she is not me…
and thats what you were looking for?

I imagined a life….
but an imagination is all that was.

Can I fall?

For too long, my heart felt the pangs
of repetitive brusing while
my memories revisited the past.

I have stumbled down this spiral before
and it has consistently lead me to despair
and heartbreak.

I wonder if my heart can handle
diving off another cliff
into the unknown and undecisive.

As time passes,
the thought of vunerabiltity
shakes me into fear as I
run from the edge.

Can I fall…
from this ledge?
Will i let myself
plunge through this fence of fear
and fall?

Can I…
Can I…
Can I fall?

Indescribable

The need to write,
the desire to weave syllables and sounds
into descriptions that awaken the soul,
ravage through my entire being as I stare
at this blank page.

There’s a feeling,
that I am unable to pin down with my melody.
Its pushing against my heart,
crying to be released
through words and expressions
scribbled on pages of metaphores.

Indescribable,
is all that comes to mind
that can mask this overwhelming sensation
that pulses through me.

Indescribable….
Indescribable….
Indescribable…
you are.

 

Wanderlust

India, Turkey, Spain, Mexico, Greece…
are not just far away places for me,
but rather memories, temporary homes, and desires
that are forever imprinted in my heart.

I miss the busy traffic of Mumbai,
pani puri in the streets,
wedding music on the weekends,
and the constant stream of colors and lights
down every alley.

I miss the sweet aroma and taste of apple tea,
Sahlep on a cold and snowy afternoon,
the hospitality of every Turk
and the value of family that runs so deep.

I miss the cobble streets framed by
cathedrals, castles, and kingdoms of the past,
Tapas every afternoon,
and the sound of flamenco as the clock strikes midnight.

I miss the constant sound of spanish,
Tacos Al Pastor in the street,
pan y dulces everywhere,
and the joy of sun, sand, and pyramids.

I miss being surrounded by ancient ruins,
stories of Zeus, Poseidon, and Aphrodite,
the view from the Acropolis,
graffite in the streets,
and getting lost in wonder.

My soul craves travel, adventure, and knowledge
from experiences around the world
and no matter how often or far I go,
this heart will always desire more.

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