Wanderer

Here you are again,
that feeling
that yearning
to run, run, run
as fast and as far as I can
into the gently abyss of the unknown.

My inner being desires to sprint,
leave everything behind,
and get lost in the pavement,
be forgotten in the sunrises and sunsets
of each passing day.

My heart screams for anyone to listen,
to save me from these closing walls,
that fuel this anxiety
to run…to sprint…
to leave everything behind,
over, and over, and over again.

When will this anxiety cease?
When will I find a place that brings,
happiness and tranquility?
When…oh when,
will it end?

Love? Different everytime….

Love as I have known it in the past
is a breaking dam of feelings,
rushing and taking over every course of your body
every thought, every action, every step.

Love as I have experienced it before is…
uncontrollable,
but yet it makes it way to control you.

But love now,
is precdictable,
written out before me
step-by-step,
page-by-page

Is this love?
Where is the passion?
Where is the heat?

Fear is the answer;
stolen from me,
How do I, How do I fix it?

I want the passion,
I want the heat,
I want to be fearless in love.

The future that never was…

I had created a life with you in my mind,
staring into your eyes as I walked down the aisle,
brushing your lips each morning to wake you up,
but….
no matter what I desired or wished for
you chose differently.

My heart kicks and screams
as I stare upon the picture,
perfect life you have created for yourself.

Is she what you always wanted?
Is it the color of her skin?
Is it the background she comes from?
Is it because she is not me…
and thats what you were looking for?

I imagined a life….
but an imagination is all that was.

Can I fall?

For too long, my heart felt the pangs
of repetitive brusing while
my memories revisited the past.

I have stumbled down this spiral before
and it has consistently lead me to despair
and heartbreak.

I wonder if my heart can handle
diving off another cliff
into the unknown and undecisive.

As time passes,
the thought of vunerabiltity
shakes me into fear as I
run from the edge.

Can I fall…
from this ledge?
Will i let myself
plunge through this fence of fear
and fall?

Can I…
Can I…
Can I fall?

Indescribable

The need to write,
the desire to weave syllables and sounds
into descriptions that awaken the soul,
ravage through my entire being as I stare
at this blank page.

There’s a feeling,
that I am unable to pin down with my melody.
Its pushing against my heart,
crying to be released
through words and expressions
scribbled on pages of metaphores.

Indescribable,
is all that comes to mind
that can mask this overwhelming sensation
that pulses through me.

Indescribable….
Indescribable….
Indescribable…
you are.

 

Wanderlust

India, Turkey, Spain, Mexico, Greece…
are not just far away places for me,
but rather memories, temporary homes, and desires
that are forever imprinted in my heart.

I miss the busy traffic of Mumbai,
pani puri in the streets,
wedding music on the weekends,
and the constant stream of colors and lights
down every alley.

I miss the sweet aroma and taste of apple tea,
Sahlep on a cold and snowy afternoon,
the hospitality of every Turk
and the value of family that runs so deep.

I miss the cobble streets framed by
cathedrals, castles, and kingdoms of the past,
Tapas every afternoon,
and the sound of flamenco as the clock strikes midnight.

I miss the constant sound of spanish,
Tacos Al Pastor in the street,
pan y dulces everywhere,
and the joy of sun, sand, and pyramids.

I miss being surrounded by ancient ruins,
stories of Zeus, Poseidon, and Aphrodite,
the view from the Acropolis,
graffite in the streets,
and getting lost in wonder.

My soul craves travel, adventure, and knowledge
from experiences around the world
and no matter how often or far I go,
this heart will always desire more.

Take me away

Take me to the Mayan ruins
where walls are carved with tales.

Take me to India,
where elephants roam the land
and people cover themselves in beautiful cloth.

Take me to Spain,
where the buildings are elegant,
and the language romantic.

Take me to Saudi Arabia,
where I can feel the desert sand between my toes
and the hot sun beating on my back.

Take me to Paris,
where I can see the Eiffel tower
and climb the 1652 steps to the top.

Take me to Egypt,
where I can see pyramids on the horizon
and camels roaming the land.

Take me around the world,
so i can indulge myself in guilty pleasures
of language and culture.
Let me see the world through my lens
and photograph its beauty.

Take me away
Take me away

(another poem from high school)

Dreams

I want grains of gold
Sifting through my fingertips
As my toes submerge in the salty sea.
My eyes wandering towards glistening diamonds
On mountain tops
With flurrying snowflakes
Descending to my eyelids.

I yearn for a fluent tounge
With exotic words
Hindi, Sinhalese, Punjabi…
Interacting with beautiful women
As their sari’s cover their midnight hair
And I learn of their simple life.

I hold my camera
And look through the lens of life,
Capturing the beauty of the world,
Of tribal nations,
Indian ceremonies,
Asian gods, and
Primitive people.

The world is out there for me
To explore,
To inquire,
To learn of, and
To discover,
And I will take in as much as I can.

(I wrote this poem in high school)

Untitled

I tried
to forget and forgive
the emptiness you left in my life,
the sadness that consumed my childhood,
and the anger I felt with each disappearance
but….I failed.

The emotions still run through me
and the scars have yet to heal.

Your actions left me to pick up the pieces,
heartbreak by heartbreak
tear by tear
and through it all you still have
expectations.

No more will I hold silent
out of respect for who you are.
No longer will I suppress my pain
and disappointment that I feel.

I don’t forgive you.

‘